How to Connect With Your TWEEN & TEEN

from WestCoast Families Dec 2020: Family Health & Wellness, Connecting with your Teen, Mental Health Apps by WestCoast Families magazine

by Dr. Erin Watson, The Expert Talk

As a doctor in Family Relations and Human Development and chief expert at The Expert Talk, I hear all the time how parents struggle to connect with their kids.

While the best approaches to parenting are often counterintuitive to our instincts as protectors, building joyful and meaningful connections with the teens and tweens in our lives is possible.

Here are 10 strategies to help you connect with your tween/teen from The Expert Talk you can try right now:

1. REMAIN CURIOUS.

Too often, we focus on regulating our teens (in an effort to protect and guide them), at the expense of truly understanding what they are going through. One of the best ways that we can connect with them is by taking an interest in their journey of self-discovery. Instead of saying, “Here’s what to do”, start by asking “What do you think/feel about that?” or “What was that like for you?

2. BE THEIR STUDENT.

Have you noticed that your tweens and teens act like an expert on a lot of things? Use this to your advantage. Not only is this a way to get your child talking and to understand more about them and their world, it offers them a chance to feel heard, competent and confident. Instead of saying, “You need to reduce your screen time,” try, “Teach me about your favourite influencer! What do you love about following them?”

3. STEP BACK AND GIVE THEM SPACE.

Tweens and teens benefit immensely from being given space to explore how their world (and their choices) affect them and others. Taking a step back as their parent will not only shape their resilience, it will make your presence feel less overwhelming and therefore, make them more likely to come to you for guidance. Instead of saying, “Tell me what’s wrong,” try, “It seems you’re really frustrated right now. I’m here to listen whenever you’re ready to share.”

4. SHARE A (SIMPLE) SECRET.

One of the key psychological tricks to creating a bond with someone is to reveal something vulnerable about yourself. Showing vulnerability through minor embarrassing stories or relatable struggles makes people immediately feel at ease with you and more likely to open up to you in return. Try sharing a secret with your tween. This will help them see you as a person (not just a parent) and as a bonus, may help them feel understood emotionally.

5. GO OLD SCHOOL.

One way to stay close with your tween or teen is to bring back old-fashioned letter writing. Mail it, or slip it under their door, and provide them with nice paper and a pre-stamped envelope so they can respond. Or, simply keep a notebook in which you write messages back and forth to one another. You may be shocked at how much a teen will share when they know you are there to read, rather than react.

6. GET ACTIVE.

Connection doesn’t always have to be about conversation. Getting your tween or teen active is an amazing way to build a bond without the pressure to talk. Whether it’s playing a sport or taking a walk, they will appreciate your interest in simply being with them without conditions.

7. CHANGE YOUR CONVERSATIONAL STYLE.

One effective way to get tweens and teens to open up is to take the pressure off one-on-one exchanges. Instead of asking them a question directly, address an entire group, whether it's your family at the dinner table or when their friends are visiting. Teens are much more likely to share their own thoughts and feelings when they hear the opinions of others they trust.

8. MAKE IT ALL ABOUT THEM.

If we want a harmonious relationship with our kids, we need to separate conversations about their needs and feelings with our own. A teen whose feelings are put first learns that their emotions are real and valid. Not only will this shape them to become well-adjusted adults, it is also the key to ensuring that they will listen when you have something to say that you really need them to hear.

9. GO TO BED ANGRY.

Avoid having difficult conversations close to bedtime, when you’re more likely to feel tired and overwhelmed. Taking time to sleep before addressing certain situations provides you and your child with space to rest and process emotions, rather than taking feelings out on each other. Still, before bed, reassure them that you love them, and that you can talk the next day when you both feel more rested and compassionate.

10. ASK FOR A WISH REQUEST.

Sometimes, we focus so much on helping our kids that we forget to ask them directly what they really need and want from us. To discover what that is, ask them for a wish request. For example: “I’m putting some wishes out to the universe tonight. What is a wish that I could put out for you so that tomorrow is a better day?”

The Expert Talk is a new platform dedicated to offering expert resources to support parents of teens and tweens. Providing access to monthly virtual sessions with subject matter experts, in addition to a portal of exclusive content and resources, this new venture aims to be the go-to support network for parents who simply need help. Webinars, an online community, and weekly coffee breaks are all part of The Expert Talk’s approach.

Improve Your Posture to Decrease Pain

from BayouLife Magazine May 2020

by BayouLife Magazine

If you’re like most Americans, you spend a lot of time sitting. You sit to eat breakfast, you sit in the car on the way to work, you sit at work, you sit while eating lunch and dinner, you sit and watch TV, and you sit to read or browse on your phone. During the last month or two, while you’ve been forced to stay in your home more than ever, you may have increased your sitting time even more. While you’re sitting, you’re most likely doing something with your arms held in front of you, too. You’re holding your phone or a book in front of you, you’re typing on a computer, you’re eating, etc., and if you aren’t careful, these activities can put you in a slouched posture with your shoulders drooping forward, your upper back excessively rounded, and your neck jutting forward. This posture becomes the shape your body holds and even when you stand, you continue to slouch forward.

The problem with this posture is that it inhibits you from properly breathing from your diaphragm, which triggers your nervous system to remain stuck in a state of stress. This forward rolled posture also causes the pectorals major (the largest of the chest muscles) to stay tight, which can lead to tension and chronic pain in the upper back and neck, place excessive pressure on the spinal disks, contribute to headaches, compression of nerves, jaw problems, can limit healthy range of motion in the arms, and even lead to frozen shoulder. The downstream effects of chronically shortened chest muscles can be quite significant, to put it lightly.

SHANNON DEMONSTRATES A QUICK AND EASY WAY TO TEST IF YOU HAVE OVERLY TIGHT CHEST MUSCLES

Here’s a quick, easy test you can try to give you a good idea about whether or not you have overly tight chest muscles:

▪ Lay flat on your back on the floor with your arms straight out to your sides, in line with your shoulders, and your palms facing the ceiling.

▪ Bring your attention to the bottom of your ribcage in your back and engage your core muscles to actively press it down into the floor.

▪ Bend your elbows 90 degrees, in the “touchdown” position.

▪ Notice where the backs of your hands are. If they’re comfortably resting on the floor and you don’t feel any resistance in your chest or the front of your shoulders, then you’re good!

▪ If the backs of your hands are floating above the floor, or you feel a tight or pulling sensation in your chest, then you have some work to do.

To help loosen up those tight muscles, start by massaging them to break up tissue adhesions. Grab a lacrosse ball, a tennis ball, or anything similar you have on hand. Sit up tall, holding the ball in one hand. Extend that arm out to your side, at shoulder height. Then bend your elbow to bring the ball to your chest, but be sure your elbow stays in line with your shoulder. The ball should land just inside your armpit. Stack both of your hands on top of the ball and press it firmly into your muscle. Maintain pressure on the ball and massage your muscle with small, circular motions. “draw” three circles in one direction, then switch directions for three more circles. Next, while continuing to maintain pressure on the ball, pull it toward your armpit three times. Be sure the ball isn’t rolling toward your armpit, but rather sliding across the muscle. Then repeat this process on the other side.

After massaging your muscles with the ball, give them a nice stretch. You can do this by placing your right hand on the wall in front of you at shoulder height, with your arm straight and your fingers pointing to the right. Now twist your body to the left, away from your hand. Hold the stretch for 1-2 minutes and repeat on the left side. Then, retest your pecs and see if your hands are any closer to the floor.

The above massage and stretch routine is a quick way to release your chest muscles and provide temporary relief. It’s not possible, however, to undo 18 hours of poor posture with 5 minutes of massaging and stretching. Do the above routine daily, and after finishing, prioritize a healthy, upright posture and avoid letting those shoulders roll forward. It’s also important that you don’t allow yourself to sit for too long without at least short bouts of movement. For every thirty minutes of static sitting, be sure to get up and move for two minutes. Small changes implemented regularly over a long period of time can make massive improvements.

Consistency is far more beneficial than intensity!

Pilates Myths... Debunked

from Cordillera Ranch Living November/December 2019

by theshawcreative

My favorite thing about my job as a Pilates instructor is empowering clients to find their movement potential through Pilates. It is my job to help my clients find body awareness and connect with the body they are currently living in. It is a privilege and a pleasure to watch the process unfold; there are the lightbulb moments, progressions to pain-free movement, goals being reached and new goals to aim for.

Then, there is my second favorite part of being a Pilates instructor. This part happens outside the walls of a Fitness Center. It happens most often when I’m at a social event. Sometimes it happens when sitting next to a stranger on an airplane. Most recently, it happened while I was getting a flu shot. My second favorite thing about being a Pilates instructor is answering the question, “What do you do for a living?” or “Where do you work?”

When I tell people that I am a Pilates instructor, I find myself answering a lot of questions about what it is, how you “do” it and why. But more often than not, I find myself debunking common myths out there surrounding Pilates. If you’re still reading this, chances are you may have some questions yourself. In case we don’t run into each other in the grocery store or have the opportunity to chat in the Fitness Center, allow me to set the record straight regarding some common misconceptions about the wonderful world of Pilates.

Allow me to set the record straight regarding some common misconceptionsabout the wonderful world of Pilates.

1. “I HAVE A BAD BACK, KNEE, HIP….”

Get the green light from your doctor and then let’s talk. Wear and tear, loss of bone density, childbirth, repetitive faulty movement patterns and traumatic injuries all wreak havoc on our joints and in our spines that can result in pain. Restriction of any kind, both psychological and physical, can lead to compensation patterns. As a result, compensation can lead to malalignment. If you’ve been advised or given clearance by your doctor to begin an exercise program, Pilates can be a safe and effective way to manage the body you’re living in. An experienced, comprehensively certified Pilates instructor can choose appropriately modified workouts with the goal of quality functional movement, increased range of motion and alignment. In a Pilates session, there is no gain from pain. When you walk away from your Pilates workout, the goal is to feel stronger and supported. Carla Northington began Pilates 10 years ago to relieve back pain and says, “My regular workouts on the Pilates reformer have been extremely beneficial in keeping my joints healthy and the muscles around them strengthened. Because of Pilates, I’ve been able to live an active life enjoying all of the things I love doing.”

2. “PILATES IS GEARED TOWARDS WOMEN. I HAVE ZERO FLEXIBILITY. I DON’T OWN YOGA PANTS.”

Guys, I get it. But consider this: the same benefits that women gain from a Pilates workout also apply to men. I have yet to meet a male client who did not benefit from a core-focused workout. I’m not talking about the proverbial six pack abs; I’m talking about the deeper, stabilizing muscles that help support the spine. “Pilates was recommended to me after my back surgery eight years ago. It has been key to keeping my back healthy and it’s been a great core-strengthening exercise that’s benefited me in snow-skiing and golf. And it’s harder than it looks; I’d recommend it to anyone wanting to diversify their workouts. It improves flexibility, which is a key in overall strength,” says Charlie Hill, a regular at Pilates. Pilates targets and tones the small, supporting muscles needed whether you’re lifting the heavy weights in the gym or the tired toddler looking up at you. And guys, if your flexibility rivals that of a laptop, the Pilates reformer will meet you where you are. Practicing Pilates on a reformer, when the limbs and torso are being supported and not fighting against gravity, is the perfect place to create better range of motion. Some of the biggest gains in flexibility have come from my male clients. So far, none of them have shown up in yoga pants.

3. “IT’S LIKE A GLORIFIED STRETCH SESSION, RIGHT?”

Not exactly. While the stretching components can sometimes feel glorious, the strength piece is equally important and plays a major role in each exercise. In a Pilates session there is a big emphasis on lengthening muscles through eccentric movements (thus, the stretch label.) The reality is that Pilates focuses on both concentric and eccentric muscle contractions which work to achieve a balanced body. Member Erin Walker practices Pilates two to three times per week and says, “I love Pilates because it fits my body type. It’s not stretching but long, lean muscle toning. It’s my happy place. I feel ready to face the day after a workout with Kris on the reformer. My body and mind feel stronger after.”

Ready to discover more truths about Pilates? Group reformer and mat classes are offered Monday through Friday. Check the group exercise calendar for class descriptions and times. Private sessions and/or consultations are required before joining a group reformer class. Private sessions can be set up by contacting one of our certified Pilates instructors at The Clubs of Cordillera Ranch.